Broke Ass Sports: 2012

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Top 10 Scouting Report Blurbs from John Hollinger

Check out all of John Hollinger's player previews here: http://search.espn.go.com/john-hollinger/But you don't need to do that, because here are the top 10 player profile blurbs.

10t) Luke Walton

Can't move anymore. At all. Painful to watch last season.

10t) Jordan Crawford

Shoot-happy guard who takes terrible shots. Capable passer when mood strikes.

9) Joel Anthony

Brutal offensive player. Can't shoot, has terrible hands and no instincts.

8) Jeremy Lin

Legendary superhero who once played point guard for the Knicks.

7) Al Harrington

Poor defensive player overall but has mastered "pulling the chair" on post players.

6) James Jones

Shooting SF who has replaced cobwebs as item most commonly seen in corners.

5) Michael Beasley

Left-handed goofball combo forward with quick first step. Good shooter for size.

4) Jimmer Fredette

Phenomenally bad defensive player. Lacks length, agility to defend one-on-one.

3)JaVale McGee

Minuscule basketball IQ. Blocks shots but takes bad gambles and goaltends often.

2) Stephen Curry

Gifted scoring guard with deadly outside shot and ankles made of talc.

1) Andray Blatche

Struggles with conditioning. Character a question. Will force bad shots.

Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments.

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Friday, October 5, 2012

Cardale Jones Brings Up A Good Point

Does anyone else get annoyed with how "education" gets in the way with Football? I mean do we really have to go to classes and shit?

Ohio State backup QB Cardale Jones doesn't think so.

Amen, brother. Amen.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

BrokeAssSports 2012 NFL Power Rankings

1) Saints – Pretty quiet offseason for the Saints. Sean Peyton will lead his troops with help from defensive star Jonathan Vilma.

2) Jaguars – They have the NFL’s leading rusher, Maurice Jones-Drew. How can we not put them at the top of our rankings?

3) Texans – They made the playoffs without their #1 QB and WR last year. With those guys back this year, we figure they will win at least 22 games.

4) Browns – They return one of the best defenses in the NFL led by Phil Taylor, Chris Gocong, Scott Fujita, and Joe Haden. Browns fans are thankful that those 4 guys are ready to go.

5) Giants – It will be hard for them to replicate what they did last year with their star DE Michael Strahan splitting time between the club and Live with Kelly Ripa, but they are the defending champs so they belong in the top 5.

6) Packers – Aaron Rodgers and Cedric Benson on the same team? Vince Young has a term for that kind of team.

7) Eagles – The Eagles are good no doubt, but could they beat the 2012 USA Men’s basketball team?

8) Steelers – Now that House has seen its series finale come and go, Mike Tomlin will be able to focus fulltime on the Steelers. That should help the team.

9) Colts – Hard not to have them in the top 10 when they are being lead by Hall-of-Fame QB Andrew Luck.

10) Cardinals – They will employ the controversial 2 QB backfield of John Skelton and Kevin Kolb. How will anyone defend THAT?

11) Raiders – They will be better this year with new LT Bartolo Colon coming over from the Oakland A’s.

12) Broncos – Peyton Manning has played in 208 consecutive NFl games, I see no reason why that would change this year.

13) Ravens – Does anyone else think it’s weird that Rey Lewis is still playing in the NFL and not in a jail cell?

14) Lions – Megatron was great in the original, but did anyone see either of the sequels? Pure garbage.

15) Chefs – That’s great, but who are the Chefs?

16) Bengals – Mike Brown is the best owner in football that no one knows about.

17) Cowboys – Jason Witten has some spleenin’ to do…

18) Titans – Chris Johnson lets his play do the talking.

19) 49ers – C’mon do we really think Alex Smith will make the playoffs two years in a row. This is Alex Smith we’re talking about.

20) Redskins – Whose idea was it to put Brian Orakpo in a TV commercial?

21) Chargers – Bold prediction, but I think the Chargers will UNDERachive this year.

22) Bears – They can’t possibly make up for the loss of Caleb Haine, it will be a long year.

23) Dolphins – Chad Ochojohnson will be the Dolphins’s WR head,but that doesn’t mean the Dolphins will make the playoffs.

24) Falcons – I don’t like the fact that I can’t tell Julio Jones and Roddy White apart with their helmets on.

25) Panthers – It’s tough for them to draw well since they have to share a city with powerhouse Charlotte Bobcats, but they do alright.

26) Buccaneers – They too are a football team!

27) Bills – Ryan Fitzpatrick is the best athlete to come out of Harvard since Jeremy Lin.

28) Seahawks – More like the Seattle She-hawks, amiright?

29) Patriots – Never trust a QB who wears Uggs.

30) Rams – The Greatest Shitshow on Turf.

31) Vikings – Not sure if they will have enough non-incarcerated players left to field a team.

32) Jets – Sanchez gets hurt, Tebow takes over, throws 1 TD and 100 INT’s, they go 0-16, Tebow wins an ESPY.

Hooray Football! Don't forget to share/tweet this!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Ten Commandments of Fantasy Football

Monday, August 13, 2012

NBA Players That Look Like Characters From The Wire

Time to play everyone's favorite game. What NBA players look like characters from The Wire. Some of these may seem pretty obvious and you might have seen them before, but we really tried to add some new flavor to this. Feel free to add any additional ones that we missed to the comments section below.

Omar/Udonis Haslem

(This was perfect until Haslem ruined it by shaving off his corn rows.)

Bodie/Russell Westbrook

(Might be the best match on here)

Pryzbylewski/Christian Laettner

(I had to include a white guy in here somewhere)

Chris Partlow/Stephen Jackson

(I wonder who has the higher body count?)

'Bunny' Colvin/Leonard Hamilton

(Hamilton never played in the NBA, although he did coach the Wizards for a year. Too good to pass up.)

Cutty/Charles Oakley

(Both great fighters in their hay-day)

Marlo Stanfield/Serge Ibaka

(Aren't they dreamy?)

Nick Sobotka/Andrea Bargnani

(Oh look another white guy, and their both European-ish or something)

Stringer Bell/Kobe Bryant

(Kobe was doing his Stringer Bell impression when he grew that goatee at the end of the season. And I don't think I've ever seen either of them smile.)