2) Jaguars – They have the NFL’s leading rusher, Maurice Jones-Drew. How can we not put them at the top of our rankings?
3) Texans – They made the playoffs without their #1 QB and WR last year. With those guys back this year, we figure they will win at least 22 games.
4) Browns – They return one of the best defenses in the NFL led by Phil Taylor, Chris Gocong, Scott Fujita, and Joe Haden. Browns fans are thankful that those 4 guys are ready to go.
5) Giants – It will be hard for them to replicate what they did last year with their star DE Michael Strahan splitting time between the club and Live with Kelly Ripa, but they are the defending champs so they belong in the top 5.
6) Packers – Aaron Rodgers and Cedric Benson on the same team? Vince Young has a term for that kind of team.
7) Eagles – The Eagles are good no doubt, but could they beat the 2012 USA Men’s basketball team?
8) Steelers – Now that House has seen its series finale come and go, Mike Tomlin will be able to focus fulltime on the Steelers. That should help the team.
9) Colts – Hard not to have them in the top 10 when they are being lead by Hall-of-Fame QB Andrew Luck.
10) Cardinals – They will employ the controversial 2 QB backfield of John Skelton and Kevin Kolb. How will anyone defend THAT?
11) Raiders – They will be better this year with new LT Bartolo Colon coming over from the Oakland A’s.
12) Broncos – Peyton Manning has played in 208 consecutive NFl games, I see no reason why that would change this year.
13) Ravens – Does anyone else think it’s weird that Rey Lewis is still playing in the NFL and not in a jail cell?
14) Lions – Megatron was great in the original, but did anyone see either of the sequels? Pure garbage.
15) Chefs – That’s great, but who are the Chefs?
16) Bengals – Mike Brown is the best owner in football that no one knows about.
17) Cowboys – Jason Witten has some spleenin’ to do…
18) Titans – Chris Johnson lets his play do the talking.
19) 49ers – C’mon do we really think Alex Smith will make the playoffs two years in a row. This is Alex Smith we’re talking about.
20) Redskins – Whose idea was it to put Brian Orakpo in a TV commercial?
21) Chargers – Bold prediction, but I think the Chargers will UNDERachive this year.
22) Bears – They can’t possibly make up for the loss of Caleb Haine, it will be a long year.
23) Dolphins – Chad Ochojohnson will be the Dolphins’s WR head,but that doesn’t mean the Dolphins will make the playoffs.
24) Falcons – I don’t like the fact that I can’t tell Julio Jones and Roddy White apart with their helmets on.
25) Panthers – It’s tough for them to draw well since they have to share a city with powerhouse Charlotte Bobcats, but they do alright.
26) Buccaneers – They too are a football team!
27) Bills – Ryan Fitzpatrick is the best athlete to come out of Harvard since Jeremy Lin.
28) Seahawks – More like the Seattle She-hawks, amiright?
29) Patriots – Never trust a QB who wears Uggs.
30) Rams – The Greatest Shitshow on Turf.
31) Vikings – Not sure if they will have enough non-incarcerated players left to field a team.
32) Jets – Sanchez gets hurt, Tebow takes over, throws 1 TD and 100 INT’s, they go 0-16, Tebow wins an ESPY.
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